


Everytime I Try to Hold You Close (You Dissapear)

by smoken



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Angst, Drabble, Ghost Niall, Ghosts, Human Harry, M/M, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 23:37:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4157277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoken/pseuds/smoken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry wants to run his fingers through his hair, wants to feel Niall's warm lips against his.  But he's afraid of what he'll do if he can't touch, that if his fingers fall straight through Niall's body he might not be able to have him around anymore.</p><p>Or: Niall is a ghost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everytime I Try to Hold You Close (You Dissapear)

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Ghost Stories by Coldplay and this wouldn't not happen.
> 
> This is the first thing I have posted here and it's unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own.

Harry's eyes are stinging. He can feel the prick of wetness behind his closed eyelids and he doesn't ever want to open them. Maybe he can keep his emotions contained behind his closed eyes. Niall moves in his peripheral. Harry doesn't even need to look over to know he's got that blank expression he always has nowadays. Like he's trying to block out whatever Harry is doing. Block out Harry.

He must be by the window; Harry can hear the slide of the glass and feel the cool rush of air in his flat. For a moment he wonders if Niall can feel it too. He opens his eyes. Niall is staring at him from across the room, his face searching. Like he's looking for the reason Harry's upset in his facial expressions. Harry remembers when he used to find that confused look endearing, used to love seeing it. Now he dreads it, reminds him of what he's lost, what he'll never have back.

Harry wants to reach out for Niall. Wants to run his fingers through his hair, wants to feel Niall's warm lips against his. But he's afraid of what he'll do if he can't touch, that if his fingers fall straight through Niall's body he might not be able to have him around anymore. His presence just a taughnting reminder of this is what you used to have. 

Harry wonders if Niall can cry. If this was the old Niall he probably would be. It leads him to think about whether or not he can eat, if he sleeps. He hasn't seen him do anything but stare at him and play that guitar Harry had kept in their room, since he's been back. The guitar is sitting in the corner of the room and when Harry catches sight of it, it almost sends him over the edge. He reaches out towards Niall. Niall's confused expression is gone in a split second and he almost looks happy. It's not until he's dropping to his knees that Harry realises what he's done. He retreats and Niall's face falls, goes blank again. And Harry thinks he finally gets it now-- understands why Niall's been so distant. The other boy is still shuffling closer though, inchingly, like Harry's a stray dog afraid of humans. Harry kicks at him, he's not close enough to hit anything though. Harry swallows. He doesn't even know if he would hit anything.

"Please, Harry." Niall whispers and it's the first thing Harry has heard him say in two weeks. His voice is gruff and his accent is too thick. He sounds nothing like the old Niall and Harry kind of wants to dissapear. 

He wants to go back to a month ago and tell Niall to stay home, tell him not to go to work. Wants to go back and offer him a lift so that he doesn't walk, doesn't cross that road, doesn't-

But he can't. So he falls forward. Part of him expects to just keep falling until he hits the hard ground. But he can feel strong arms around his shoulders and it makes him cry harder because he doesn't know whether or not to be relieved. He can feel his tears soaking into the fabric of Niall's shirt, though, and he thinks it's a good thing.

He clenches his fists in the fabric and-- yeah, okay, it's definitely solid. He pulls himself up until he's on his knees, eye level with Niall and he leans forward and everything's a blur but Harry can feel Niall's warm lips again and he never wants to move. 

"I love you." Niall whispers when they part. 

"I love you." Harry says back, just as quiet, like it's a secret, like it's forbidden, like it's wrong-- which, well, it probably is.

And he realises this is the old Niall.

This is Niall.


End file.
